Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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