Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
