I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
