Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize