Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
