He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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