I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this beer tastes like vomit already
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize