The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to get me chipped asap
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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