who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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