i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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