my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
