Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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