You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
