I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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