moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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