she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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