I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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