Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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