coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
