Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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