i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
