I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
