I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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