so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
