u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
