And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
