I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
