Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
