My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
