Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
