My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
