I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God I need to hump something, right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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