Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
