There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize