Whod you bang
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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