just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
