Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
