I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
