real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
