I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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