Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
