I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
