im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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