I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
