Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
