He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
