508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
