sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
