she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
