I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
