The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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