I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
