2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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