Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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