i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
