Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
