why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
