another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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