actually, I'm a sock model
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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