scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
