you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
