i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
