a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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