She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
