I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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