i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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