i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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