She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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