Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
