My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
