i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
