everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
