sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
