Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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