Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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