Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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